Sunday, May 10, 2015

There's a madness to my method

The M^M universe
Will likely redo this photo
I have had a plethora of strange and disconnected thoughts over the past few weeks.  This in and of itself is not unusual ...

There are so many times throughout my life I've been told that the way I do things isn't the right way.

- I hold the golf club wrong ... but yet I can out drive so many and have pretty good accuracy.

- I don't know the proper way to throw a bowling ball ... but my average was the highest in my jr. league, and I beat everyone of my coaches when I went to the adult leagues.

- The way I hold chopsticks is strange ... but I can use them better than most people.  I've even eaten cake and ice cream with chopsticks because I was challenged.

- I do not hold a pencil or pen properly ... well ... okay, my writing sucks and always has.  Holding the pencil differently never made my writing better.

Organized my earrings
The point is that I figured out what worked for me.  It may look unorthodox to other people, but what difference does that make.  The world would be very boring if everyone did everything exactly the same way.  If this was the case we would never have seen any of the technological advancements we all enjoy today ... nobody would have thought to do something differently.

I seriously doubt anybody is horribly offended or mortified that I do so many things in my own unique way.  It is highly unlikely that a Facebook friend will see that I hold my chopsticks wrong and unfriend me for being socially unacceptable.

I mean ... we all have our quirks ... our own things that we do that are exclusive to us.  Isn't this what makes us individuals?

I am, and always have been self conscious about my weight.  In a society that sells size 2 women with double d breasts I am really out of place.  I get stressed out about my weight an looks at times ... the issue here is that I eat when I get stressed.

Can we say downward spiral.

My therapist mentioned a girl on Youtube ... the video was called "Fat Girl Dancing" and she has a television show about how she copes with her weight issues.

I got home and whipped out my Google ... Whitney Thore was thin and loved to dance when she was young.  She suffers from a medical condition that has caused her to gain a lot of weight.

She got tired of being treated like a non human just because of her weight.  She found a way to love and accept herself.



This all helped me realize that you can love yourself and embrace your differences.

I mean ... if the most horribly unacceptable thing about me is that I'm fat then I am doing pretty good.  I would rather spend time feeling good about the positive aspects of me and stop demeaning myself for that one issue.

Not that I am satisfied with being fat ... I will make adjustments to lose weight, it's just not *the* most important thing.

Ever since I stopped worrying so much about the number on the scale I've started losing weight.  Realistically I know I will never fit the super-model mold, but I don't need to.  I need to be happy.

Very recently my niece Andrea contacted me and said she wants to start our Saturday morning training again.

Images in the smoke
What do you see
Well, maybe not training.  More like walks ... slow and probably short walks as opposed to the 10 mile training runs we did in 2011.  Either way I am thrilled.  I do want to make sure my knee is ready for the additional stress a walk that includes slight hills and not perfectly even surfaces, but this is in our immediate future.  It is a step in the right direction for my weight and fitness goals.

I just don't understand why people treat others so horribly because they are different.

The poor child on the autism spectrum that catches hell daily because the other kids can't comprehend that his brain works differently.  The others probably don't realize that the one they are traumatizing can likely outperform them in many areas ... he just needs the chance and the right environment.

The kid that stutters, the kid with ADHD, dyslexia, dysgraphia or any other learning disability ... these kids are often tormented by teachers and parents because they are not functioning as well as the rest of their class.  If they only apply themselves they might ...

They might what?  Become normal?? ... No, they might get more frustrated and learn to hate school.  So many of these kids have superior skills in other areas ... memory, math, learning by hearing or seeing, physical capabilities.  Why not appreciate what they do good.

The boy who acts feminine ...

The girl that is a tomboy (although a little more socially acceptable) ...

The kid that's too tall ... too short ... too fat ... to skinny ...

The daydreamer ...

The shy kid ... the one who would rather be home ...

The kid whose grades are too good, or they seem too smart ...

The kid who is not athletically inclined ...

The black kid in the class of whites ... the white kid in a class of Hispanics ...

Wait a minute ... wasn't I talking about adults and societal expectations?

Well ... yes.

More smoke
This mindset ... this bigotry starts somewhere, and that place is almost always childhood.  Kids are taught that people who are different than them  are ... well, different.  They are taught that what they are must be better, or at least more normal than what these different kids are.

This attitude will follow them into adulthood.  Often the attitudes become more intense ... so ingrained into their being that they look for differences in people so they can feel superior.  They want to make others feel bad about themselves.  They cannot tolerate anything that falls anywhere outside their narrow view of acceptable ... can we say Westboro Baptist Church?

Westboro is not the only hate group, but they are the first to come to mind.

Not all kids who pick on others carry their biases throughout their life.  So many learn to become accepting and see the value of people in spite ... or even because of their differences.

The kids that take the ridicule carry something as well.

We are shackled with doubt and low self esteem.  We begin to believe that we are not good enough ... that we will never be as good as ... that nobody will ever truly accept us.  We become our own worst enemy.  We cannot trust, so very few people ever get to see the real person inside.  We do not want to show what we might be able to do because we've been told it will never be good enough.

We become stuck ...

afraid to move ...

and not asking for help because we feel like we don't deserve it.

I'm sure there are some reading what I just said and are thinking, "This is a load of crap.  You're just making excuses for your failures.  Step up and take responsibility for your own shortcomings."

To you I will simply respond with this ... Thank you for proving my point.

Love my silly fur-babies
Maybe it's time to stop thinking others are not thin enough ... not smart enough ...not rich enough ... lack motivation ... don't do things the right way ... don't fit in.

There are so many ways that I am different than others.  There are so many things that I do not use "the proper technique."  There's a madness to my method, but it works for me.

It feels good to see what I have accomplished despite ... or maybe because of my unique processes.