Saturday, April 26, 2014

A bit of an update ...


I do not want to write just for the sake of writing ...

Lately I haven't wanted to write at all, but I have managed to unleash a couple of rants over the past couple of months.  Yes, it's been a rough few months ... but it's also been a time of learning.

I've learned how quickly and unexpectedly things can turn and cause havoc.

I've learned that sometimes those who are close to you can and will cause the worst pain.

I've been reminded why I rarely truly trust people ... why I have spent my life making it difficult to get close to me.

I've learned much about friendship, love and earnest caring.

Mostly I've learned about myself ... many things.  Some things surprised me ... some things I always suspected were true and I merely received confirmation.

I survived the latest onslaught life has thrown at me and battled some old personal foes.

It is a bit frustrating that only after the big wigs left my little corner of the world ... only after the stress they brought, after being subjected to the corporate microscope, after beginning to resent and despise going to work ... only after all this did I hear how all of them were impressed by my intelligence.  As I didn't interact with them as much as other staff members I do not know what they saw to compliment me that way ...

But they didn't ... they left me dangling, uptight and second guessing myself.

I am ready to take what I have learned and to move forward ... to make myself a better and stronger woman.  When the next storm hits ... and there will be a next storm, I will be better prepared.

Much of the turmoil in my mind is settling ... again.  The conflicting voices momentarily not so loud ... not so demanding.  I am starting to feel at ease.  This is quite different than merely a couple weeks ago.  I will not take this feeling for granted any more.

I continue to see my counselor on a regular basis, but the direction of our conversations has changed.  There is less and less about me ... adjusting, adapting, recognizing and working with the difficulties of my everyday life and more and more about me ... adjusting, adapting,  ... recognizing and  ... ... working with the difficulties of my everyday life ...

just different situations.

I'm learning to work with things which have floated back to the surface over recent weeks and months ... using these situations as learning tools to make similar situations easier to cope with ... or preferably less likely to happen.

It might be a bit of a challenge, but nothing too difficult ... and it will help me from this point on.

There really is not much more to update beyond that ...

My nephew is scrambling for his June wedding ...

My mom is recovering / rehabilitating from her surgeries better than her doctors expected, but not surprising to those of us who know her ...

Pam's mom has good days and bad, and Pam still spends a lot of energy to help her with many things ...

Timmy is enjoying school and I am extremely proud of how hard he is working toward his goal.  He must get that from Pam ...

I suppose I could tell you that Timmy was bitten by a dog.  It was not an attack, just a playful dog not realizing he had a hand in his mouth.  A few stitches, a few Vicodin and Timmy is doing fine.

I have made no progress in the weight loss or fitness areas of my life.  This should be a high priority, but I can't seem to motivate myself enough to do anything.