Wednesday, July 3, 2013

Trampoline ...

No ... nothing fun, exciting or even silly.  Just a couple of days of ups and downs.

Up - The pain from the kidney stone decreased dramatically.  I am not sure if it has passed, or if it has stopped moving and I will once again be feeling the wonderful jolts of discomfort from inside my body.

Down - I am exhausted ... both Pam and I, actually.  I don't know if it's the heat, the pain or the stress ... I just have on energy nor any desire to prepare for my family visit.

Up - Saturday started off uneventful.

Down - It didn't stay that way.

Before Pam and I could even get into a rhythm of preparing for the invasion the stress was starting ... My mom was sure my sister would be out here by afternoon because her flight left Florida at 6:00 in the morning ... She wasn't here yet.  The room was cleared  and ready for her ... we were discussing something simple for dinner ... but she wasn't here.

We called my brother in Florida ... Yes, her plane left on time, but it got delayed in Chicago ... and she is staying in a hotel.

We did not know this ... My mom started stressing out more.

Up - Pam and I got out of the house to run some errands ... and to try to save our sanity.

Down - It was a very hot, muggy day, so short of driving around or finding a store with air conditioning we wouldn't be very comfortable.

Up - The plus size clothing store is air conditioned

Down - Every top and every pair of shoes I liked did not come in my size.

Up - Pam found a pair of 13 super wide boots.

Down - The price tag said $70.00

Up - They were on sale

Up - They were on super clearance

Up - They were $2.96

Up - I got the boots

Up - I got the boots

Up - I got the boots for $2.96

Down - We had to go back home

Not that home is a down place, but the tension and insanity of the family visits make us all lose our marbles.

There was still no word from my sister by the time I got home ... and my mom was on the verge of wigging out, though she'd never admit it.

We knew from the website that her flight landed a few hours ago, but we had no confirmation that she was alright ... that she was on her way ... no news at all.

During all this Pam made contact with my brother to find out when he and his family were arriving ... ...

"Well possibly Tuesday, but if not then Wednesday evening unless work is tight and we can get there in the morning ... and we don't have anything planned unless we all get together and decide to do something without any warning ... but that likely will not happen unless you prepare a big meal. And we're for sure leaving Saturday unless we feel like staying later, the it may be Monday or Sunday ... Oh, by the way ... We can't afford a hotel, so we want you to kick someone out of one of the bedrooms so we don't have to sleep in a tent."

OK ... I paraphrased and exaggerated this a bit, but not much.  But still ... can't you be honest and say I have no fucking clue ... and if I did I would never tell you? 

And while I'm at it ... Why should Sedona or anyone else have to give up her room for you? Why was she your first thought? Why not say you're going to displace your son and make him sleep in the tent?  When we did not live here we NEVER asked anyone to be displaced so we could have a room.  We slept in a tent, or at home and commuted every day ... we even stayed in a hotel a couple years because the family thought it would be fun to all have rooms near each other.

This is a dead issue ... Nobody is displacing Sedona from her room.

Sedona, on the other hand, had a different issue.  Her mom and dad were visiting and wanted to take her to see her grandfather ... she didn't want to go.  I was so concerned that this would be world war three with my sister insisting Sedona go to make her dad and grandpa happy..

As the evening became night ... and night became late night it became pretty obvious that my mom was uptight ... uptight because her daughter had not checked in.

I posted a message to my family asking if anyone had any information so we could contact Barb.

One sister replies "Oh ... I got a message earlier saying she would go straight to a hotel when she got in."

Really?? Thanks a fucking bunch for letting ANYONE know ... if not Pam and me, at least your mother!!

A second sister replies "She's staying at this specific hotel in Camarillo. I bet she's there."

Code ... She got a message and doesn't want to piss me off even more.

Up - I got to sleep in on Sunday

Down - Most of my sleep was interrupted by bizarre, disturbing and realistic dreams.  I woke up in an anxiety attack.

Down - I woke up to Pam's phone going off ... and Pam having an unwanted, repeated, argumentative conversation with her mother.  Her mom wants to go home ... she can take care of herself ... she doesn't need to be in a care home ... nobody cares about her ... ...

She has dementia ... she cannot walk more than 20 feet on a good day ... she cannot take care of herself in the bathroom ... this is not a discussion.

Up - We had a reason to leave the house ... to go looking at new care homes.

It was a bit of timing ... My eldest sister was here with her husband.  Stan had a stroke many months back and isn't 100% physically pr mentally.  He is doing pretty well, though ... and actually he and my sister weren't the reason we wanted to leave.

We were both really uptight (Pam worse than me) and just wanted some us time.

Down - We were both on the brink of a breakdown ... time together when both of us are on edge is still a bit strenuous.

Up -  We made the best of it ... we went to lunch.

Up - We had sushi ... a lot of sushi.

By the time we got home we were both feeling a bit better.  We were sure the drama would be over and things would be settling down ... we were almost right.

Stan was wondering if Sedona was going with him and Linda to visit her grandpa ... He was agitated when the answer was no ... ... but no explosion.  Linda calmly answered him, defended Sedona's position and defused the situation.

Down -  I am already very tired and having trouble sleeping

Up - Even with month end reports due, my work load is lightening a bit.

Down - All the staff is on edge ... and I am PMSing a bit again.

Up - Pam, Timmy and I spent a few hours together after work on Monday.

We actually went to get him an upgraded cell phone and do some shopping at Sam's club ... but it was time together.

It was fun.

It was what I needed.

Down - My sleep has truly suffered ... I don't know if it is the heat, if it is the hormones, if it is just the stress.

There are many other downs ... frustrations ... stresses.  Many of them seem rather petty ... but too many petty things add up to real stress.  There just seems to be a pervasive lack of communication ... a lack of respect from so many people.  If I could magically change one thing about how this summer is going so far, it would be to get everyone to talk to each other rather than just expect that things are going to be a certain way.

There are also many other ups ... happy moments, but it is very hard to enjoy these times knowing that some of the stresses have not been resolved ... and that very likely more stress is going to pop up without warning.

As this week goes on I'm expecting the ups and downs to continue ... to escalate in intensity.  I am curious to see how I handle these issues ... I can already feel differences in how I do things since feeding my body the estrogen it desperately needed.