Friday, June 28, 2013

The electric chair and other fun

So I am officially entering week 5 of HRT.

Considering the fact that I never thought I'd start hormones ... or at least not any time in the foreseeable future, I am truly ecstatic over my progress.  I can't help but giggle as I see how things are falling into place ... like the stars have aligned ... as if it is truly my destiny.

But I digress ...

Tuesday and Wednesday I didn't feel well ... I stayed home from work.  I was particularly bummed about Wednesday because I had my consult with my electrologist.  Luckily I was feeling well enough to make it.

Technically it was my second consult.  I visited her last year before I started any hair removal ... she suggested that laser would be better for me.  That to me made her more credible and caring than most businesses ... most people.  Of course she would be on the top of my list when I was ready to rid my slowly smoothing face of the annoying white hairs.

I entered the office ... she didn't recognize me.

We had a short talk and then it was time for the test.

I am relatively sure my blood pressure tripled at that moment.  "Here's your magic wand," she said as she handed me something that looked like a panic button.  It was a metal rod wrapped in a wet paper towel, and there was a wire leading to the machine.  "This takes the electrical current ..."

I know she kept talking, but her words faded behind my imagination ... Electrical current passing through my body ... Wow ... and OWW ... and ...

"OK.  I'll start off low."  A slight prick, nothing more.  "Can you tolerate this?"


Same procedure, one step higher ... same result.  Another step higher ... same.

Now, it was not completely painless, but it was so much less than I imagined ... so much less than movies have portrayed.

I have an appointment on July 9 for a 1/2 hour session.

After the consult I was messing around on the computer.  Sedona came in from her car ... she seemed upset.  "My car won't start."

I quickly went into helpful "Aunt Tiffie" mode ... ... Oh, to hear someone actually call me Aunt Tiffie.  I'd probably burst into tears of joy ... but anyway, I went to move my car into position to jump start hers.  For some reason I opened the hood before I moved it ... and ... well ... There was gasoline spraying onto the hot engine.


OK ... Duct tape the fuel line to prevent it from spraying on the engine, but now my poor baby is out of commission.

Now the sad part is, this is not the first time my vehicle has had a fuel leak ... My Toyota pick-up was leaking from the fuel pump onto the exhaust manifold ... my last car had a fuel leak from a fuel line that was in the fender frame area ... I don't recall if it was my last car, or this one that was leaking fuel onto the engine ... not this car was spraying fuel onto the engine.  If you want to visit ancient history, my brothers car sprang a gas leak after I started riding in it.

What is it about that makes cars want to commit suicide??

Well, I jumped Sedona's car with Pam's car ... And we had my car towed to the mechanic.

Thursday went pretty well.  My car got fixed ... Pam got to spend a little time with Timmy ... I got caught up on what little work I missed ... and I told the driver who helps in my office that I am transitioning to female.

Patricia has helped in my office for many years.  Several years ago she told me her husband was a cross dresser.  I know she had issues with this early on, so I didn't want to wait and tell her with the rest of the training department just in case she had an unusual reaction.

She didn't.

She said, "OK."  Then she turned to go back to work.

We wound up having a wonderful discussion.  I learned that her husband is also taking hormones ... and that he is pretty much living fully female, except at his work.  I also lr=earned that Patricia is planning on raiding his (her) wardrobe after she loses a bit of weight ... giggle.

Thursday evening I had an appointment with Catharine.  Pam and I were a bit rushed ... we had just picked up my car and were debating whether we had time to grab a bite before the visit ... we didn't.  We did order a couple burritos.  While Pam picked up our dinner I sat in the parking lot and try to hurry on my makeup.

I think I over did it a bit ... but I did get it done with only one small eye poke.

I was a little disappointed in the session ... not with Catharine or what we talked about, but with myself.

I have worked on my female voice for the past three weeks.  It is not close to ready, but occasionally I get it right and surprise myself.  It reminds me of learning to play the trumpet ... I tried and tried, but usually wound up squawking like an injured goose ... then I didn't.  In fact, I made first trumpet in 6th grade.  This really upset the eighth grader who figured his seniority guaranteed him first chair.

Right now I'm a squawking goose ... soon I will be a swan.

I really don't know why I didn't try my voice ... my vocal chords are a bit tired from practicing, and I had a little congestion in my throat ... but I could have, and should have tried.

Next time ... I promise.

Right now I am preparing for the inevitable invasion from my family ... every summer ... every July ... it's tradition.  What is annoying is the past few visits it has been up to Pam and I to generate the discussion of when they will be arriving and leaving.

This year we haven't ... and I do not know for sure when they are coming.  But if they get here and we do not have things ready, I will not feel guilty, and I will not hurry to fix things.

I don't totally hate these visits, I just wish they would treat all of us here with a bit more respect.

I also have been debating how I will be presenting while they are here.  I refuse to regress and hide, but I also refuse to intentionally antagonize what is possibly a very uneasy situation.

The past several years they have seen me becoming and presenting less and less in male form.. The past 2 years specifically I have worn more feminine clothes, dangly earrings and whatnot.  This year I'm sure they will notice more ... it's whether they choose to ask me or not,

If they ask I will answer ... but there will be no grand "coming out."  They have shown little interest in anything else I have done with my life ... why should I go out of my way to include them in this celebration?  But if they choose to ask ... if they choose to accept me, I will not exclude them.

I am working Monday through Wednesday, so whoever is here will see me carrying my purse and wearing my earrings.  I am not worried ... I truly do not care if they find out ... if they already know ... if they read this blog.  I just want to move forward with my life ... and if they choose to be a part of it, that is fine ... if they choose to not be part of it I feel sorry for them and their loss.

So what about today??

Today is hot and miserable, but it is cleanup day.  We are doing little bits at a time, then resting ... ... Oh, and I have a kidney stone.  Damn!!  And OW!!  It is not a horribly painful one, but it still hurts.  Luckily I have a small vicodin stash ... between that and drinking a gallon or so of water I think I should push it through quickly.