Saturday, May 18, 2013

Check those off the list ...

So, this week went by pretty fast ... and a lot happened.

Monday and Tuesday my area director of safety was in my office to see if I fixed some of the issues with the audit 2 months ago.

He was happy.

He talked with me ... interacted like he usually does ... joked around with me ... asked my input on situations, even though I was wearing nail polish and dangly earrings ... and on Tuesday I was wearing a women's polo shirt.

I feeling more at ease with myself ... and in turn I think others are feeling more at ease with me.  Several ladies at work are complimenting my earrings and nail polish ... breaking into "girl talk" with me ... letting me be myself.  I do still shy away a bit when it comes to behaving completely feminine, but more and more Tiffanie is showing through, and nobody seems to mind.

Wednesday was a bit strange ... happy, sad, anxiety, depressed, out of sync yet accomplishing a bit at work.

When I left for work I checked under the hood of my car because a feral cat has moved her kittens into our yard ... there were five little fur balls curled up on my engine.  I was so happy to see them.  I even picked one up that didn't run ... the others scattered.

I drove to work, prepared for the driver meeting, checked my emails and drove to the meeting.

An hour and a half later I leave the meeting.  I start the car and a little kitten runs across the parking lot into the bushes ... it looked just like one of the babies that was on my engine earlier.

I lost it ... I burst into tears.

Did I sentence this poor baby kitty to death?

Would someone adopt him or her ... or at least care for the little thing?

But how could this be?  I saw the kitties scatter.  This guy would have had to survive a 20 mile drive to work, stay hidden in the car for nearly an hour. Hang on for another mile drive and then choose to sit under or in the car for another hour and a half ... it couldn't be one of the babies.

I had to collect myself ... I had to return to the yard and teach class for the trainees.  My anxiety cranked up ... my brain seized up.  I had to get home to check on the kittens.

I haven't seen all five since that morning ... I'm still worried the poor thing didn't survive.

My manager, Maggie told me that the other supervisors (Tuti and Marcelo) were asking about me ... concerned about my well being and noticing the change in my appearance.  I wanted to tell them a couple weeks ago, but I also want to wait to hear from HR before making any official announcement.

Thursday was mostly about training and catching up with paperwork.  We were supposed to have a supervisors meeting with the manager ... that's when I was going to tell Tuti and Marcelo ... but the meeting never happened.

I was a bit bummed, but a little relieved at the same time.

I still felt out of sync and was still worried about the kitten ... but I was regaining my focus.

Friday was going to be busy.  I had to hurry to work with my trainees so I could leave early and take my mom to a doctor appointment.

Ummm ... busy, yes ... go as planned, never!

I was trying to stay in a relaxed mode ... not get wound up.  I said hi to the drivers, adjusted the thermostat, logged onto my computer and printed several items I needed, checked my email and ... SHIT!!, web conference in 5 minutes!.

WTF?!

Aren't they supposed to give me a little notice of these things??

I arranged for someone to work with the trainees, logged into the conference, noticed that Tuti was supposed to be in on the conference, ran down the hall ... yes she was going to attend ... ran back to my office as the conference was starting.

Whew.

The point of the conference is not important ... neither was the short conversation Tuti and I had about the subject after the call was over.

There was an awkward segue as I tried to change subjects.  "I know you've noticed my change in appearance ... the earrings and fingernails."

Tuti looked so serious, but attentive.

"I'm transitioning to female."  I think I said something else, but not sure anything intelligible came out of my mouth.

"I'm so happy for you," she said as a smile burst onto her face.  "I've known this since we worked for the other company (15+ years).  There was always something different about you ... and when you dressed up for Halloween that one year I knew you were a woman."

We continued with a bit of girl talk ... some questions about hormones, surgery and other issues.  She was truly happy and supportive.  She asked if I was going to change my name and tried to guess what it would be before I replied.

I smiled.  "Tiffanie," I said as I broke eye contact for the first time during the conversation.

"I like that.  That's cute."  She was so bubbly and encouraging, I couldn't help but smile.

"I'm waiting to hear from HR before anything is announced to the drivers."

"Don't worry about that," she said.  "Anyone that knows you will not be surprised.  And they will support you."

I am so happy I told her.

I had the chance to talk to Marcelo before I left the yard.  He was no shocked either, but did not seem like he was comfortable talking to me about it.  He is a very private person and does not like to get involved in anyone's personal lives ... but he did stay and talk.  He told me his issues with HR and knows my frustration in waiting for an answer.

He also told me that nobody will be truly surprised when I announce the truth to everyone.

My mom's appointment went well.  She had an epidural injection to relieve back pain.

After Pam and I got her home we hung around a bit to ensure she would be alright, then we left to run a few errands ... and to go shopping.

Pam decided she liked the shoes I bought and wanted to see if the store had them in her size.

Copycat!!

So we go into the store to buy one pair of shoes and leave with $$$$ of clothes and accessories.  I believe it is actually one of Newton's laws ... two women in a clothing store will always find a way to spend money or find outfits they adore regardless of the funds available to them.

All in all it was a great day ... a great day at the end of a pretty good week.

The only negative ... I have not gotten back into an exercise routine, but that will come in time.