Sunday, May 5, 2013

Another week down ... a lifetime to go

So I have shamelessly spammed this blog many more places that I normally would.  It did seem to gain about 100 more reads than normal, but I feel a little strange advertising so people can read my private thoughts, feelings and emotions.

This past week was as hectic and difficult, but nothing earth shattering as far as accomplishments or hurdles cleared.  I'll start with the most depressing ...

I did not loose any weight this week.  And to make it worse, I've managed to have stress eating mini binges pretty much every day.

We had to terminate a driver for her recent conduct.  It was necessary, but these situations always suck.

There were so many little things that happened every day that I likely could have posted nearly endless rants on a constant basis ... but I shan't.  I'd rather focus on the positives ...

Monday was alright as far as everything goes.  I changed nail polish for the week ... a bronze / metallic color.  I like it a lot, but it shows the flaws and scuffs too easily.  I'm sure people noticed, but nobody commented ... but then again they didn't give me any strange looks, either.  I see that as progress.

Despite the stressful tone at work the day was relatively nice in general.

I got home and spent some time with Pam, relaxed and enjoyed the evening.  We filled the slow cookers with out kalua pork and set them to cook overnight for a company potluck the next day.

Tuesday was just as hectic, or even more so, but for different reasons. It was one of those days where nothing seemed to go right regardless of how hard I tried to correct them.  I was just plain frustrated all morning.

Then things turned for the better just a little.

While talking to my trainees the conversation drifted in a different direction:

Rita - Didn't you used to have facial hair?
Me - I shaved my mustache a year ago
Mary laughed - I cannot picture you with facial hair.

Now at this point I became quite happy.  I suddenly realized that anyone who has met me withing the last year are seeing me as normal ... and likely all the people who have known me for more than a year are now seeing how I am presenting myself as normal.

Me - At one point I had a full beard, but usually just a mustache.  I also used to have short hair ... but I won't be showing any old pictures of me.
Rita gestured at my hands - I've got to get that nail polish
Me - I love it.  It's so pretty.
Mary - What bran is it?
Me - I'm not sure.  Pam and I bought several different brands.  This one is bronze.

I really felt like a lady ... I did the girl talk thing and really felt like it was natural.

When I checked the slow cooker with the pork it was about empty.  I was hoping people would like it, but I didn't expect it to be all gone.  So many people who tried it complimented me.

Tuesday was such a good day.

Wednesday ... not so much.

We terminated a driver ... someone I dealt with on a regular basis, someone I knew had the potential to work her way into better positions.  You just can't make anything good out of that.

Thursday - Wow, Thursday.  So many things ... too many things.

A major fire started about a mile from me.  I saw the initial plume of smoke and was thinking how lucky it was that the winds had not picked up yet.  Within a few minutes I saw it raging up a hillside ... soon Ventura County was on the national news.

There was some good news for the day.  I had 2 trainees pass their tests, so we have 2 new drivers to take a little pressure off of our driver shortage.

Thursday afternoon I had another appointment with Catharine.  Before I headed to her office I stopped at a drug store and wandered through the cosmetics department.  I checked out some nail polish, mascara, eye liner and a few other things ... shopping with other women for cosmetics and I didn't care.

I was looking forward to talking with Catharine.  I had taken so many small, but important steps and I wanted to share my stories.  She is so supportive and kind.  She says I seem to be more congruent ... mind, soul and soon my body will all be in alignment.  She is very proud of the progress I've made in barely a year.

And to tell the truth, I am surprised at how far I've come ... but I want to go so much further.

The last two days Pam and I have gone to different beauty supply stores just to look around.  It is like an all new world for me ... so much to learn ... so tempting to buy about everything.  I am already planning on getting a cosmetics consultation to help me find the shades that work best for me.

With less than a month until I start hrt I am so looking forward to what this summer and the next year brings.