Saturday, April 27, 2013

... like a bus with no brakes

So, you would think that in the lull between making my endo appointment and actually starting hormones that I would not have much to talk about ... but I seem to be babbling endlessly.

I never thought that a hectic Friday at work would ever be the beginning of 2 days of excellence.

I mean, the day at work wasn't horrible, but it was a bit hectic.  I had my trainees in class, and had the usual parade of drivers with questions and issues and of course the weekly reports ... the relatively useless weekly reports.  I think maybe I wanted the day to be over because Pam and I were going to dinner with our son Timmy.

I cherish any time I can spend with my son.

After I picked him up at his house I called home to let Pam know we were on our way.  She told me my niece would be going, too.

Cool ...

During the drive I told Timmy I had an appointment with the endocrinologist.

"Is everything ok?"  He didn't seem horrible concerned, but the tone in hos voice meant he connected my comment to the recent talk of lymph nodes and follow up visits.

"Yeah ... the cat scan came back clear."  I know he knows about the feminization, but I didn't want to blurt out the precise truth as it seemed a bit blunt and rude to me.  "It has to do with what we talked about last time."

"Oh."  I saw the realization on his face.  "OK."

We had been discussing Fallon Fox, the transgender fighter, for several weeks and are in very slight disagreement about whether she has a physical advantage over other women.  We both have a deep understanding of anatomy and physiology, so our conversations are incredibly fact based.  We bantered about certain details for a bit.

"It gives you the chance to use me for an experiment on me."  I glanced at him.

"You better get your baseline numbers now."  He picked up on what I was saying.

"It won't be scientific, but it will be interesting."  I gathered my thoughts for a moment.  "Maybe we can do tests pre-hormones for baseline, then repeat the tests at 30 days 90 days 6 months and 1 year.  I won't be doing any weight training, so it should be an unbiased and relatively accurate."

"Sounds interesting."  He smiled.  "Maybe we can go to the gym in the next week or so for the baseline."

So I have in essence turned myself into a human guinea pig for the sake of science ... or at least for civil debate.

We had dinner at Dominick's ... a local restaurant owned by a friend of Pam's family.  Wonderful food, people we know, public place and I sashay in in a women's top, pretty earrings, nail polish and carrying a purse ... how cool is that?

After dinner we all went down to Timmy's house and had such a wonderful conversation.  I do not have time, nor will I go into the dozens of facets of our chat, but it suffices to say that we were all enjoying ourselves.

At one point we discussed some family members.  I commented that my brother in law would likely never come back to our house.

My niece broke eye contact and said, "Because of me."

Timmy looked confused.  "Why?  Because you smoke?"

"That, and other things," she said.

"I guarantee you that more than one person in this room has something that your uncle dislikes," I said without thinking.  I was referring to my brother in law and named him by name, but out of respect I will not mention his name here.

Pam smiled.  "Why don't you two share secrets?"

My niece and I both hemmed and hawed for a second.  Timmy suddenly looked horribly confused and a bit uncomfortable.

"Well, your secret isn't completely secret," Pam said.

My niece was not upset.  "I thought maybe you would have figured it out with all the hints I've dropped."

"I did ... a while ago," I replied.

A bit of conversation ensued.  Pam eventually turned to Timmy and said, "She's gay."

"Oh, ok."  Timmy shrugged his shoulders.  "Whatever makes you happy.  So are we going to L.A. tomorrow to finish the project?"

My heart leaped.  I am so proud of my son.

"Now it's your turn."  Pam looked at me.

"Mine is a bit obvious, too."  I was able to maintain eye contact and not feel uneasy.  "I mean, hello.  Women's clothes, earrings, nail polish."

"I knew it was something in the gender identity spectrum ... " My niece seemed hesitant to say anything more specific. 

"I'll give you a bigger hint.  I'm seeing an endocrinologist at the end of May."  I leaned forward a bit.

"Ok."  She still did not want to use specific terms.

The conversation rolled on from there.  We joked and laughed and had a great time.  We stayed several hours later than we intended, but loved every second of it.

Today the group of us headed to Los Angeles.  It's only 50 or so miles away, but we generally go there due to the traffic and some of the people.  But today we had an errand to run ... well technically my niece had an errand to run, but we all made a day of it.

After making excellent time into the valley we exited the 101 and headed north of a surface street.

"The place is just a bit past Vanowen," Timmy said from the back seat.

"OK," Pam replied.

About three miles later we started to discuss whether we had gone too far.  We were all laughing already, but the silliness had only begun.

Another three miles and we were almost at the 118 ... ummm ... way too far.

We had decided to not bring our Garmin because Timmy knew the area and we were staying on major roads.  Well ... at least that was the theory.

We finally arrived at the first stop ... after we drove past it one more time.  After a few minutes we picked up what had gone there for and was ready for the next adventure.

"OK."  Timmy huffed in mock disgust.  "Turn left.  After we cross under the 405 we're going to turn left," he barked out the street name.

So we drove ... and drove.

We passed the Van Nuys airport and commented on the planes.  We drove past a big sidewalk sale, a 99 Cent store, a myriad of small shops and restaurants and brand name businesses.  Eventually we drove by the Bob Hope airport ... in Burbank.

Oooops.

"How the hell did we go so far?" Timmy exclaimed from the back seat.  "Did I fall asleep or something?  You all just didn't wake me up?"

We all bust out in hysterical laughter again.

We finally backtracked to the second stop.  After a brief wait we purchased the items my niece needed and headed back to Ventura County.

We had so much fun.

As we got off the freeway Timmy asked, "You want Olive Garden?"

Well, duh!  Of course we want Olive Garden ... it is yumminess second only to Dominick's.

So now I'm in a frilly tank top, my hair down, my new earrings and my sandals ... oh, and of course my purse.  I could sense a bot of uneasiness with the waitress because my beard and mustache are dark and visible again, but she was very nice ... she just avoided any gender tags for all of us rather than guessing wrong with me.  

I didn't care.

We all had another great dinner and two wonderful days in a row.  I am so blessed.  My beautiful wife Pam ... my incredibly awesome son Timmy ... and now my wonderful niece all know me and support me.

Life is simply fabulous.