Sunday, December 30, 2012

The anti-resolution post

So I will not dwell on 2012 ... it pretty much sucked.  Too much death, too much illness and injury, too much sorrow.  The sole bright point was my decision to pursue my transition and continuing on this path despite all the negatives.

I have avoided resolutions for many years ... since I was a child, actually.  I remember my siblings insisting that I make a resolution ... and usually an unattainable one.  Often it was something to do with controlling my temper or eating more healthy.  They would then spend the next several days or weeks trying to get me to break my promises ... and would usually succeed.  Then they would spend the next several days or weeks preaching to me and making me feel guilty because I was not a strong enough person to keep a resolution ... despite the fact that the resolutions were not realistic ... or the fact that they either did not make one or failed to keep the ones they made.

I am not a weak person ... I am not a bad person ... I do not make resolutions.  I do, however, make goals and update the goal throughout the year as I progress ... and 2013 will be a year of changes for me.

On the fitness aspect of my changes:

- I will set up a training schedule and will be back in "running shape" by my birthday.
- I will modify my eating habits to accentuate my exercise regiment (I will still hit the buffets and sushi houses, but I will be a bit more conservative)
- I will not dwell on the number on the scale.  I will focus on feeling healthy
- I will choose and register for a marathon in 2014.  My initial goal is the San Diego Rock n Roll marathon, but that is not carved in cement.

On the transition aspect of my changes:

- I will not hurry my transition.
- I will continue my laser and electrolysis until I am beard free.
- I will go out in public as me more often (no specific numbers on when, where or whatever)
- I will explore the possibility of hormones with my doctor and will take whatever steps necessary to start hrt before the end of the year.

The two aspects of my goals are completely independent.  If I am slow on my fitness goals it will not interfere with my transition goals, and if I am struggling with my transition it will not bog down my fitness.

I will evaluate my progress (or lack thereof) on a regular basis and adjust my expectations as needed.  The fitness does not worry me too much as I have been down this road before ... I have come from totally out of shape to riding a 100 mile bike ride in under a year ... I went from no cardio base to finishing a half marathon in 5 months (it would have been a marathon, but I tore cartilage in my knee).

The transition makes me nervous.  I have never done this before and do not know what to expect.  I will keep moving forward ... I will become me and stop hiding behind this pseudo life I've built.

I wish everyone a wonderful new year and hope you all find happiness in achieving your goals along the way.