Sunday, December 2, 2012

I have a date

Yes, you read it right ... I have a date with my surgeon.

Wait ... that doesn't sound right.  I know the date for my surgery.  I will have the tumor in my chest removed December 17 ... Merry Christmas, Tiff.

I am a little bizarre when it comes to stuff like this.  I like to know, be told, or research what tools and techniques will be used for a procedure.  I stumbled across a site that shows the method that will be used to open my chest.  I do not know why they opened this guy up, but it is the procedure my surgeon described to me in our first appointment.  I cannot say that seeing the pictures makes me feel good, but at least I know what they will do to me.  I will warn you before you click on the link that the pictures are a bit graphic:

I am scared ... Aren't I always?  I'm afraid of the pain, the possible complications, the possible long term issues, the time I will be sedated.  Mostly I am worried about my wife.  This entire event has been horrible for her causing multiple anxiety attacks and worsening depression.  We have had conversations about our fears, but when push comes to shove, I get to sleep while she sits and worries.  She is very strong ... stronger than me.  I don't think I could handle being in her position.
In a strange way I worried about being outed as a transsexual, but in another way I hope I am.  Nothing bad would happen if I accidentally said who I am would it?

I don't know.

I do know that I am having the facial part of my beard lasered this week so I might look a bit more feminine.  I plan on wearing slightly feminine clothing to and home from the hospital.

 At this point I am just rambling and not accomplishing much.