Saturday, September 8, 2012

This is the week ...

 This is the week I would like to announce that I have made an appointment with my MD to discuss hormone therapy.

This is the week that I would like to say that I made a significant breakthrough with my therapist and after an emotional catharsis I have truly come to terms with my reality and am ready to face the consequences.

This is the week that I would like to say I have finally gone out completely and truly as Tiffanie, that I am ready to go full time as a female.

But I cannot.

I cannot say any of those things because I am scared.  Hell, I can't even decide to dye my hair without fearing the potential ramifications.

I am stopped on the side of the road waiting for somebody to tow me to my destination ... but there is no tow truck ... there is no good Samaritan who can do this for me.  Only those who can encourage me and show me the way.

The reality is there is nothing wrong with the car.  All I need to do is start the engine, take off the parking brake and go.

I never realized the level of self doubt I possess, the overwhelming insecurity that holds me back until I tried to begin this journey.  All I see ahead of me is fear, pain and anguish with no end in sight.

But there is a goal to be reached ... an uplifting, liberating feeling of finding myself for the first time ... but I must choose to travel the treacherous path of jagged rocks and thistles to find the peace I so desperately desire.

This is the week.

This is the week I face my fears and my shortcomings and choose to find a way to resolve the issues so I can proceed to my destiny.