Ultimate goal - be true to myself. How can I expect others to accept me as Tiffanie when I cannot truly be myself in front of them? I just love being Tiffanie here online ... I'm even being more Tiff-like at home, but at work it is harder to drop the walls and allow people to see in.
I still have not been completely honest with my wife about the direction everything is going. She is very smart and has probably figured most everything out, but I cannot truly be true to myself when I am not being truthful to those around me.
Weight loss - I've been down this road before. In fact I've been up and down it many times. I know what to do, and more importantly what not to do. If I lose weight I can feel more comfortable with my body, relieve some of my medical issues and show my doctor I am serious about wanting to make changes ... which in turn will hopefully help him decide to put me on hormones.
So why then do I throw myself into the pool of potato chips and cookies when I start to think about the benefits of weight loss? There is nothing but good that can come from this, but I shoot myself in the foot with my food choices and my lack of exercise regiment.
I just seem to have this recurring mental block that won't allow me to pursue goals beyond a certain point. It is frustrating.
I know this sounds like just a bunch of bellyaching on my part ... well it is, but .... When I am online and I see so many transwomen working so hard to reach their goal ... the sacrifices and troubles they've endured and the tremendous progress they have achieved and I am sitting at home, overweight and out of shape it just makes me realize I should be doing so much more.
Sorry for the horrible run-on sentence.
So today a wonderful lady took her time to answer some skin care and makeup questions I had (Thank you Zoe). I am very excited about this and am looking forward to trying out her advice ... but will I? I hope so.
Maybe I'm just a little down ... or just being down on myself today, but I feel like I desperately need to change the way I do things before I can change who I am.