Sunday, July 29, 2012

Loki & Thor

I know ... you look at the title and think, "Oh no.  A rant about superheros or villains."

Nope.

Loki and Thor are the two feral kittens who have moved into our backyard.  Their mother, Midnight (named because of the time of day she first showed up, not because she is jet black), semi-abandoned them.  Midnight knows us and trusts us to an extent.  Her litter was bigger, but it is now down to the two ... I wonder if she knew that we would take care of her babies to the best of our abilities?  She still drops by for a bite to eat from time to time.

Over the past couple weeks the two kittens have grown and become playful.  They are so fun to watch.  Thor is very like his mother, a little tentative, but willing to get close for feedings.  He (at least we are guessing it's a he) has let me pet his back and behind his ears the last couple days.  Loki was much smaller than Thor at the beginning.  She (we think it's a she) started off coming up to me so Thor and Midnight wouldn't bully her away from the food.  She is much more trusting.  She is willing to climb up on my leg while I'm sitting and let's me pet her.

They have both added some joy to my stressful days of late.

I have watched, observed and studied women my entire life.  I've actually studied people my entire life, but women have always fascinated me.  Their mannerisms, their movements the way they speak.  I often feel depressed when I see women socializing ... I long to be amongst them, but I am not one.  I would be the awkward outsider ... I've always been the awkward outsider.

You can learn to do things through imitation and practice.

I learned to be more masculine by imitating the boys around me ... even then I wasn't very good at it.  The times that I was best at being a boy were the times I was most miserable ... miserable, irritable and disgusted with myself.

Now I am trying to un-learn those habits ... Trying to replace them with the feminine habits I long to have.

It's funny, really ... many of the mannerisms seem to come naturally.  All I needed to do was to not resist doing them ... The sexy (said with tongue firmly planted in cheek) hair flip, body language while talking and a couple others.  Other issues need a lot of work ... the graceful or elegant walk and the voice are just a couple on this list.

So yesterday I was in the pet store gathering a load of cat food.  As I enter the store a young man stood greeting the customers. "How are you tonight ma'am?  Can I help you find anything?" he said to the lady in front of me.  "Have a good evening, sir," he said to the gentleman leaving as I pushed the cart through the door.  He looked at me,  "How are you?"  Long pause accompanied by a indecisive expression.  "Can I help you find anything?"

Uncertainty ... I'll take that as a step in the right direction.

As I pushed the cart I realized that my hips were swaying a little.  Do they always sway when I walk?  I don't remember them doing this before.  I parked the cart for a moment and walked ... no hips.  I tried to move them, but likely looked more like I suffered from Parkinson's and forgot to take my meds.  I grabbed my cart and enjoyed my hip sway for the rest of the visit and all the way to the car.  Now I just have to figure out what I do differently while pushing a cart versus just walking.  Is it a posture thing?  I don't know.

I guess I actually need to develop hips and a nice butt, too ;-)

And just to see who really reads to the bottom of the page.  9 pounds down from the time I started focusing on weight loss.  No exercise yet, but my diet is better.