Date - June 2011
One beautiful thing about running, walking, cycling or other activity is you have a lot of time to yourself ... time to think.
I have set some pretty lofty goals for myself over the years ... I don't consider finishing a century (100 mile bike ride) or a marathon (26.2 miles of running or walking) to be terribly out of my capabilities. I completed the century in 2005. Then I started training for a marathon ... I was building distance and speed at a rate that would put me in the 5+ hour range for a full marathon ... ... Then I tweaked my Achilles tendon ... No Marathon. It took almost 9 months to get back to walking without pain let alone running.
Last year I was finally to do some distance again ... so I started training again. About 8 weeks before the event I hurt my right knee ... no serious injury, just chondromlalacia ... I was too close. I kept training ... then I hurt my left knee. This was a little more severe, but I wouldn't know it for 3 months ... I tore my meniscus.
I decided to drop to the half marathon and walk the uphill portions. I also wore some pretty heavy duty knee supports and kept a couple vicodine, advil and other pain related accessories just in case things went horribly wrong.
As I approached the finish line the crowd was cheering me on. There were thousands of entrants, but I seemed to be pretty much alone as I entered the finish chute ... over the loud speakers they started playing Aerosmith "Dude looks like a lady." I laughed ... what a horrible coincidence. I grabbed the finisher's medal and wanted to kiss it ... at the same time I wanted to throw it as far as I could. On the one hand it represents a level of toughness and inner determination that many do not have ... on the other hand it represents yet another goal in my life I was not able achieve.
I think this may have been the recent event that makes transitioning suddenly so important. I know I want to ... I know it is what I am supposed to do ... and if I don't act now I may not have a chance later in life.
I will lose weight ... I will get back in shape ... I will transition ... and I will finish a full marathon ... I just don't know if Tiffanie will cross the line or if my alter ego will.
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Emotionally, mentally and spiritually I am having a bit of a rough road lately. There are so many things going on in my life, at work, at home ... just no escape. I know these situations will pass and there will eventually be an upside to this downside.
Very recently, feeling down I was posting many funny pics on my other Facebook page. First off I was disappointed because almost nobody commented on any of the pictures. After one of the posts a Christian friend felt it necessary to send me a private message and reprimand me because the page from which the picture came from contained an offensive word ... Really? You can't enjoy the humor because the idiot that runs the page used an offensive word? How about this ... hide the story and leave me alone.
One of the upcoming issues is the annual invasion of family members to celebrate the 4th of July ... This actually started as a family reunion of sorts where my siblings would get together and the young cousins would play. Everybody would chip in what they could for food, and we all had fun playing with the kids ... Of course recent versions of this tradition are a bit different.
I am just tired of the same complaining, the same stories, the same not so discrete "I am worth more ... I have accomplished more ..." comments. I will likely stay in my bedroom except the time that is necessary to cook the pork ... which is a tradition I accidentally started years ago. Probably 10 or more years ago my wife and I bought a pork butt (pork shoulder, but the label says "pork butt") because it was a huge piece of meat for very little money. Now every year I cook the pork and everyone looks forward to my butt.
Today my wife and I went to a local big warehouse store to pick my butt. I hate these stores. The people are rude and everyone seems to be in the way at all times. We picked up the essentials, including the pork butt and headed to the front to wait in line ... and it was a long line.
After a few minutes a manager saw that we only had a few items and asked us to head to the photo department to check out. The people in line behind us only had a few items as well and the manager to them to "follow the ladies to the photo department."
Boy, talk about turning a day around. Somebody standing within 4 feet of me called me a lady. I giggled and grinned until we were out of the store. My wife and I celebrated with a vanilla shake ... I'll start losing weight tomorrow.