It's been a week of ups and downs ... emotionally, spiritually, physically. I think the reality of my brother has finally caught up with. Walt was the first member of the family I introduced my wife to, and very likely he would have been the first sibling I would come out to ... But it's not eh reality of the loss that is draining me. It's the reality that some of my other siblings are so set in their ways, and their ways are the only right way, and they (as well as some of my in-laws) are truly intolerant when it comes to people (especially their baby sister) having a different perspective than they do.
My right foot is hurting more and more every day, and now my right knee is starting to hurt like it was a year ago when I first irritated it. My insurance will not pay for orthotics to help my foot pain ... they would pay for orthotics if I were diabetic, but that's a lot like paying to have my teeth cleaned to help my hemorrhoids.
The usual stressful grind at work just seems to be unusually stressful, and is getting unbearable at times. I'm just stuck in that downward spiral of one issue compounds on another which makes the next seem worse ... I don't know if dealing with my gender issues are making things worse or giving me some relief in at least one area of my life.
I don't want to focus on the negative and frustrations ... Even in the toughest of situations good moments can be found. I can't claim to always look for the silver lining around every cloud, but if I can get myself laughing (one advantage to having a quirky sense of humor) then things don't seem so bad.
As much as my work is really stressful, I just love my manager ... and I am so happy I've told her what I am going through. If I can have 20 minutes to talk to her every day we can manage to cover most work issues, a few personal issues and generally get ourselves laughing so hard it brightens the rest of the day.
Monday I started a new training class for a group of potential drivers ... 6 women and no men. I think this is the first all female class I've ever conducted. This is entirely coincidental, but it is very fun. I have a chance to interact with women in a controlled environment ... allowing myself to show Tiffanie in certain circumstances is fun ... it's enticing, engaging and very easy to let my brain and actions move in that direction.
I think probably the biggest news over the past couple days was the phone call I made yesterday. I called a local electrologist to set up a consultation. I'n very nervous ... I'm not really nervous about having my beard removed ... I am a bit nervous about the potential cost ... mostly I'm nervous about the pain.
Well ... my Ambien is starting to kick in, and I really didn't have a lot to say in the first place, so I'm going to sign off for now. I'll check back in when I have more exciting things to say.